


Scandal

by irisbleufic



Series: Delicate, Dangerous, Obsessed [5]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Conversations, Consensual Kink, F/F, Gossip, Murder Wives, POV Barbara Kean, POV Outsider, Scheming, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Weird Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 09:04:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10918659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisbleufic/pseuds/irisbleufic
Summary: "Fine," said Barbara, picking her own gun up from the bar, pointing it at Zsasz’s head. "But if you're shooting the shit, you've gotta spill. Do you think darling Eddie's attractive?""Nah, Penguin's more my speed," wisecracked Zsasz, winking. "Quite the looker once you take a sec to appreciate those eyes. I can see where the passionate outbursts thing might appeal.""This conversation's getting weird," said Tabitha, yawning. "Have fun. I'm heading to bed."[This ficlet is set in the early-hours-of-morning transition, Friday into Saturday, betweenWYFIR #10andWYFIR #11.  I wrote this one well beforeBetween Old Friends.  For anyone who wants a teasing side of Zsasz being a smart-ass about Oswald and Ed, plus some Barbara/Tabitha action.]





	Scandal

Almost four o’clock in the fucking morning, same old. Barbara hated end-of-night reconciliations with a passion; still, she counted the stacks of bills a second time. She'd pay in spades if she didn't apply due diligence.

Tabitha was on the opposite side of the bar, busy loading her gun even though they had the club locked. Better safe than sorry, that was one of their mantras. Oswald’s tenure on the premises had all but been a master class in how _not_ to run a club.

As if in answer to Barbara’s ruminations on worst-case scenarios, the distinctive sound of their front-entrance lock being picked caused both of them to look up, startled. Barbara swore.

“Don’t you dare come inside,” Tabitha shouted, raising her gun, “unless you want a bullet!”

Victor Zsasz strolled into the room with his hands in the air like he had every right to be there.

“Ballsy move, Vickie,” Barbara said, annotating the ledger as she finished up her count. She reached for the nearest copper mug she could find, grabbing a half-assed selection of bottles. “This cocktail’s gonna be nothing but cherry brandy, Cointreau, Grenadine, and pineapple juice. End-of-shift dregs. Take it or leave it.”

“As long as it’s booze, I'm not about to complain,” said Zsasz, stepping up to the bar beside Tabitha with his hands still in the air. “Heya, Tabs. Still feelin’ a little tense, looks like?”

“You have no idea,” Tabitha said icily, jamming the barrel right up under his chin. “Fucker.”

“I come bearing news,” Zsasz said, lowering one of his hands in order to reach the dubious Singapore Sling Barbara slid to him. “Penguin finally took Riddle-man to bed. Now, he has a vendetta because Butch almost killed his precious boyfriend like _twice_.”

“If this is about what happened at the victory party last week, I’d rather not talk about it,” Tabitha said, “unless you’re here to apologize. How about you let me shoot you?”

Zsasz rolled his eyes. “Like that's gonna happen.”

Barbara took a messy swig of vodka right from the bottle. “Well, _I’m_ impressed,” she said. “Here I thought Mr. Chief-of-Staff had too much of a stick up his ass for there to be room for anything else.”

“A little warning next time?” asked Tabitha, glaring back and forth between Barbara and Zsasz. “That was a mental image I could’ve done without.”

“No offense, but can I put my hands down now?” Zasz asked. “You know that if I was gonna shoot _you_ , I would’ve done it already. I’ll keep ’em above the bar, scout’s honor.”

"Now that Ozzie and that skinny _freak_ are lovers," Barbara said, nodding to Tabitha, "they're gonna unleash hell like we've never seen. If Butch was dumb enough to cross them, then he deserves what's coming. Hell hath no fury like the Penguin scorned."

"You have to admit, it was really sweet," Tabitha remarked sarcastically. "I thought they were going to kiss right there on the stage. It’s a pity I’d like to kill both of them."

"Took 'em about a week to get their heads out of each other's asses and see what was what," said Zsasz. "You don't wanna get on boss's bad side now his eye-candy's _actual_ candy. He shot some new guy yesterday for callin' Riddle-man his office slut. I think this is the real deal."

"Must be nice to run Gotham both officially and otherwise," said Barbara, with wicked glee, toying with a strand of her hair. "Having a pretty, clever husband won't hurt, either."

"Pretty?" Tabitha scoffed, wrinkling her nose. "That’s disgusting. You heard what they put him in Arkham for. Even _I_ wouldn’t do that. Quick, clean, and classy means no fuss."

"Give up Butch, and you'll never hear another word out of me about Nygma being easy on the eyes," Barbara challenged. "I wouldn't wanna touch that cuckoo-bananas ladykiller head of his with a barge-pole, granted, but I could look at him all day."

"I'm seriously tempted to accept your offer," Tabitha said, turning to reconsider Zsasz with a mistrustful look. "Why are you still here? You've delivered your message, or shared your juicy piece of cautionary gossip, or...whatever."

"Hey, I just wanna shoot the shit with my girls," he said. "No hard feelings, Tabs. It was just business. I was never gonna hurt you, and neither was Riddle-man. It was a bluff."

"Fine," said Barbara, picking her own gun up from the bar, pointing it at Zsasz’s head. "But if you're shooting the shit, you've gotta spill. Do _you_ think darling Eddie's attractive?"

"Nah, Penguin's more my speed," wisecracked Zsasz, winking. "Quite the looker once you take a sec to appreciate those eyes. I can see where the passionate outbursts thing might appeal.”

"This conversation's getting weird," said Tabitha, yawning. "Have fun. I'm heading to bed."

"That's a fantastic idea," agreed Barbara, catching her hand. "Count me in. Vickie, get lost."

Zsasz saluted, downing what was left of the drink in three long swallows, before swaggering out.

Tabitha lifted her gun again and didn’t lower it until he vanished.

“Well, _that_ was a charming and informative interlude,” said Barbara, downing her drink.

“I don’t know what you’re on,” Tabitha sighed, coming around the bar to help close up the books. “Nygma’s creepy as fuck. As if Ozzie weren’t creepy enough on his own.”

Barbara set down her glass, tapping Tabitha's temple. “Eddie would do _anything_ for daddy, even if it puts both of their lives at risk,” she said. “A weakness like that is exploitable.”

“Yeah, but remember—Penguin's killed more people than the rest of you nut-jobs combined,” Tabitha pointed out, leaning over to check Barbara’s handiwork. “Except for me, of course.”

“That’s why I feel safe with you, baby,” Barbara said, wrapping her arms around Tabitha from behind. “What’s Butch got that I haven’t?” She slid her hand lower. “Hint, the answer _isn’t_ —”

“I mean, technically it _is_ , but it’s not even applicable in this situation,” said Tabitha, perfunctorily recounting the stacks of cash. “I’m just trying to help him. He’s been kind.”

“None of us are kind,” Barbara reminded her, fingers bunching Tabitha’s skirt as she rucked it up. “We’re fallen aristocrats, sideshow run-aways, and former Arkham scum. No honor here.”

“Butch doesn’t fit any of those categories,” Tabitha insisted, putting the money in the lock-box, but she shifted her stance with a sigh as Barbara’s fingers slipped home. “He’s worked hard,” she added breathily as Barbara found her clit. "Jesus, _Barb_."

“Your hard-working piece of back-up ass is a sitting duck,” Barbara breathed in Tabitha’s ear, rubbing slow, slick circles with her thumb. “Penguin and Riddle-man are gonna get him,” she taunted, as inventive with her fingers as ever.

“Not if they get sloppy again,” Tabitha sighed, pushing into each touch. “They almost didn’t get out of here alive. I was going to shove that kitchen knife right through their lovebird throats.” 

“ _Mmm_ , that’s it,” Barbara hissed, snapping her hips against Tabitha. “Talk dirty to me.”

“You know what happens to bad girls who don’t wipe down the bar,” Tabitha warned, yanking Barbara’s hand out of her panties. She tucked the lock-box under her arm, ready to take it up to the office. “Finish your damn work and meet me upstairs,” she said, twisting to catch Barbara’s earlobe between her teeth as she left the bar. “You deserve to be tied up.”

“Better gag me, too, baby,” said Barbara, licking her fingers. “Who knows what I’ll say next.”


End file.
